I Corinthians 13

With February being the month of love as we celebrate Valentine's Day, I thought I Corinthians 13 would be a great selection. No problem with finding a Pandora charm with a heart/love theme!

This is a classic portion of scripture that is read at many weddings. It is the ultimate standard of what love is and it is clear that it is esteemed beyond all other spiritual gifts.

I Corinthians 13
If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn't love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging symbol.
If I had the gift of prophesy, and if I understood all of God's secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith so that I could move mountains, but didn't love others, I would be nothing.
If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would have gained nothing.
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand it's own way, it is not irritable, and keeps no record of being wronged.
It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Prophesy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless but love will last forever!
Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophesy reveals only part of the whole picture!
But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless.
When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.
Now we see see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.
Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love.

It became clear that not only would this passage be a challenge due to it's literary flow, but also because it was like holding a perfect measure to my own behaviour and seeing how very much I lack in the love department!

First Place

My new resolve to memorize scripture did not just appear out of no-where. The seed was planted and watered over my lifetime by various sources.

• My mom memorized a lot of scripture when she first made the decision to follow Christ and she tried to get me involved too.
• My Sunday school would practise a verse every week. I loved when we would say it together as a group and then the teacher would cover up a word at a time progressively until the whole verse was blocked out.
• I went to a Christian school during my high school years that required the students to memorize a passage of scripture every month of the school year and later I practised with my children when their school did the same thing.
• Most recently, however, I got involved with a nutrition/bible study group called First Place that had 9 commitments and one of them was memorizing a scripture verse a week.

I no longer physically teach/attend a First Place group but I have continued working through their bible study books because they are very practical and insightful.

As I've said before, in the past I have believed that I don't have a good memory and I struggled quite a bit with memory work. Just memorizing one verse has been overwhelming to me. It seemed like the words wouldn't stick in my head and I'd end up making a mess of it.

One thing I liked about First Place is that they included a CD with every bible study book that coupled each memory verse with music. They weren't popular songs and they were very repetitive, but my daughter & I liked singing along and we did a great job of memorizing that way.
Even then, I wasn't faithful to memorizing every verse every week. I was faithful to the bible studies though and it seems the continuous reminding that scripture memory is vital to Christian growth has finally taken hold in my heart.

The Eagle

The Psalm 91 passage was really easy for me to memorize because it has a poetic rhythm and logical progression. That, and things are always easier in the beginning!

I had decided that the symbol for Psalm 91 that would be fitting would be an eagle since there is a reference to feathers & wings and an eagle is the bird that comes to mind.

I faced a practical obstacle immediately when I discovered that Pandora has not made an eagle charm!

I went to the jewelery shop discussed this with the owner. She had plenty of other eagle options but not with Pandora. Would I be willing to compromise and select a different kind of charm? That was an easy yes. I like the look & design of the Pandora jewelery but for me, the necklace was more about what it represented. So long as it didn't end up looking bizarre, I wasn't going to discriminate on the brand of jewelery it held especially if there weren't any other options.

I was given a catalogue page of silver eagles to look at and eventually picked one of the small ones. It had to be ordered in.

In the meantime, I purchased the large double black leather bracelet which could be easily used as a necklace. The salesperson tried to help me select a charm to put on it right away and probably didn't understand my insistence that I was only taking the bracelet and that I would be buying the charms later.

When I got home and put it on, I asked my husband what he thought.

"It looks like a black rope from here," was his very honest response.

I laughed because he was right.

I'm not much of a jewelry wearer, but I wore this piece of black rope every day until my eagle charm arrived. Now I wear my single charm necklace like it is the most valuable trinket in the world! I think sentimental value is what gives jewelery it's worth and not necessarily the metal or precious stones it is formed with. I also think the most valuable part of this experience is inside me and not around my neck.

I Love You

I was finally able to recite I Corinthians 13 for Shawn and was thrilled to be able to pick up the charm I had put on hold. With February being the traditional month of love, I anticipated that the one I picked out would be sold out if I didn't get it soon.

I had many heart/love options to choose from but I picked a silver cube that says "I Love You" and has a gold heart.
I liked the "I Love You" part because I would purpose to use those words and mean them as I Corinthians 13 defines them.

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand it's own way, is not irritable, and keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

Most of us want to be loved by someone in this way but we all know that living out those words can feel impossible at times. In a I'll love you for better and leave you for worse society, a person who lives these words is definitely a gem. I'd like to be that kind of person. Wouldn't you?

Taking Another Look

When you're going through a hard time, scriptures that promise safety, health, protection and all other benefits can seem "unreal'. When trouble draws near, how do you know if you should be examining yourself to see if you have done something wrong, accepting that bad things happen to everyone, or claiming divine absolution from trouble? These are some of the deep thoughts I ponder when life's storms touch my life.

While Psalms 91 initially sounds like a surreal existance untainted by hardship and pain, taking a closer look at the verses gives a slightly different perspective:

Those who live in the shelter of the most high (this is a place you live in, not visit occasionally)
will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty (you'll be tired and searching for rest)
This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety (refuge & safety indicates trouble that you need respite from)
He is my God and I trust Him.
For He will rescue you from every trap (this indicates that there will be traps and you will need rescuing)
and protect you from deadly disease
He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with His wings.
His faithful promises are your armor and protection (armor and protection are usually required in battle)
Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night (this means nighttime may bring some fearful things we need to determine not to be afraid of)
nor the arrow that flies in the day (again, arrows are usually flying in battle)
Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, or the disaster that strikes at midday.
Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you (What would you be thinking if people were dying all around you?)
Just open your eyes and see how the wicked are punished.
If you make the Lord your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you; (it may try and you will need to fight)
no plague will come near your home.
For He will order His angels to protect you wherever you go. (Who needs bodyguards unless they're going to be attacked?)
They will hold you up with their hands so you won't even hurt your foot on a stone.
You will trample on lions and cobras; You will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet. (To walk over something you have to get pretty close!)
The Lord says, "I will rescue those who love me (rescuing means that you've been captured).
I will protect those who trust in my name.
When they call on me, I will answer;
I will be with them in trouble (this means there is going to be some)
I will rescue them and honor them.
I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation."

So yes, Psalm 91 is a comforting passage of scripture and it offers hope of deliverance and protection but it doesn't promise perfect circumstances. There are also some conditions placed on these promises that bear remembering. God wants our love, trust and above all, to be our choice of escape from life's chaos. It is very clear that we have to choose Him as our protector and maintain that relationship.

It also sounds like He will make it all worthwhile.

Psalm 91

Psalm 91
Those who live in the shelter of the most high, will find rest in the shadow of the almighty.
This I declare about the Lord, He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; He is my God and I trust Him.
For He rescues you from every trap and protects you from deadly disease.
He will cover you with His feathers and shelter you with His wings.
His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day.
Do not be afraid of the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday.
Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you.
Just open your eyes and see how the wicked are punished.
If you make the Lord your refuge, if you make the most high your shelter, no evil will conquer you.
No plague will come near your home.
For He will order His angels to protect you wherever you go.
They will hold you up with their hands so that you won't even hurt your foot on a stone.
You will trample on lions and cobras; you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet.
The Lord says, "I will rescue those who love me; I will protect those who trust in my name.
They will call on me and I will answer.
I will be with them in trouble.
I will rescue and honour them.
I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation"

You would think that I memorized this passage in tranquility as we enjoyed the first week of 2011.

No.

The very night of New Years day my children began with the flu and we missed church the next day.
I had to work from home when they should have returned to school which was challenging. I really needed to get back to my office. I worked eleven hours straight from my home office that day only to find myself in the throes of the flu as I retired for the night.
I quoted the few lines I had memorized and felt mocked as I talked about being protected from deadly disease.

"Some protection....you're pretty sick."

I ignored the doubts and kept quoting the words over in my mind until the worst part of the flu finally relented and I slept.
My first coherent moments the next day were in the late afternoon. I was unable to get up but I was awake so I tackled a few more verses. I really believe God's grace was on me because memorization of anything is a challenge for me, but I was picking up the verses quickly.

I was able to return to work only to find that a major decision that had been settled several months before, had not been settled after all and all my neatly thought-out roles and plans were essentially swept into chaos. I began to react emotionally and went home devastated. I had no idea how I was going to cope with the next three months of my life. I cried. I ranted. I weighed all my options and I didn't like the outcome. I was going to deal with my new circumstances whether I liked it or not. I was angry, outraged and the fear was all over me. I didn't get a moment of peaceful sleep as I alternated between despair and trying to quote the comforting words of Psalm 91. In the morning I felt war-torn.

So it wasn't going to be easy, I realized. Was the battle getting worse because my enemy knew that I had latched on to something important? Was I handed this coping strategy not because my circumstances were going to improve but instead going to get worse? I wasn't altogether comforted and I knew I had no choice but to go forward and see what the outcome would be.

New Year's Resolution

In the past, New Year's resolutions revolved around health & fitness. Having a better relationship with God was somewhere on the list but I'll be honest, it wasn't at the top. I didn't set out to have a resolution of any kind but when I woke from my first night of resisting fear with the truth of the word of God, I knew that this was going to be my primary focus for 2011.

I woke elated that I had finally utilized the key to my deliverance and there was hope for victory in the months ahead if I continued to fight.

I described my experience to Shawn and the scriptures that had come to mind. Enjoying the slow New Year Day morning by the fireplace, I eagerly looked up the scripture references that had come to mind the night before and wrote them down. It turned out I had remembered parts of II Timothy 1:7, James 4:7, and Isaiah 26:3 (KJV)

I realized how much I had taken the accessibility of the bible for granted and how little scripture I had actually committed to memory that I could recall on demand. In the vulnerable hours between sleep and alertness, I needed to be able to recite God's truth and promises without turning on the light and reading the words.

I looked up Psalm 91 and as I read it, I felt comfort. I had memorized this passage of scripture as a teen. I need to be able to say these words when evil tries to twist my thoughts during the night and bully me into hopelessness.  There were other prominent passages too that I had known better in my past.

Before I knew it, I was outlining a two-year plan to memorize important sections of the bible every month. I had an inspiration to pair that memorization with the building of a Pandora necklace. Every month when the prescribed scripture was memorized, I would buy a Pandora charm with a symbol that matched the theme of the passage.

I was thrilled. My personality thrives on motivation & rewards. Beyond the spiritual benefit of arming myself with valuable truth, I could build a necklace of visual cues to help me recall the journey. Normally I don't enjoy memorizing anything but I was full of excitement to begin this series of study and recitation. No longer would I accept the lies that said, "I'm not good at memorizing." or "I don't have a good memory."

The Resistance

On New Year's eve we celebrated with friends and had a wonderful time. We played games, ate and chatted hopefully about the year ahead. Collectively, we had all had a tough year and we were hopeful that 2011 would be a better one.

I went to bed happy and slept well as I usually do...until I wake in the early hours. This is often when my mind switches on and the negative thoughts come unbidden and begin their taunting until I am turning fitfully or calling out in my half-sleep.

"I have to fight this," I thought, recalling the Lord of the Rings movie and my resolve to reject lies and embrace truth.

Instantly, three scriptures from the bible came to my remembrance.

"Resist the devil and he will flee..."
"For God has not given you a spirit of fear but of love, power, and a sound mind"
"You will keep in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee"

I began to say these words in my mind over and over so that there was no room for anything else. I didn't sleep as I had in the earlier hours of the night but I kept fear's whispers at bay by recalling those words of truth and clinging to them.

The resistance had begun.

Terrors of the Night

My husband & I have made numerous choices over the past couple years that we believe were positive and God-inspired. We undertook them with noble motivations to help others and contribute positively to our church and workplaces. Naively, we thought these choices would be easy to walk out and that we would live in a bubble of blissful existence as we followed our convictions.

We were completely unprepared for the challenges we began to face almost immediately. Our household income dropped, while our workloads increased. My fitness level lowered due to the new demands on my life despite all efforts to keep it a priority. My husband's sense of worth diminished as he felt the loss of income power & prestige that he had enjoyed in his previous career. We had less emotional energy left at the end of the day for our family & social life. Conflicts developed in all our relationships as we struggled to adjust. Sadly, our time and desire to pursue God became less and less even though we knew that this was key to our success.

Almost immediately I began having panic attacks in the middle of the night. I would mentally rehearse all the tasks I had for the next day and try to figure out how I would learn and do all that was necessary. I didn't want to fail. I didn't want to gain weight or be unhealthy. I didn't want to lose our hopes and dreams for our future. I would worry over my children's well-being and my marriage. It was a repetitive spiraling of negative thoughts that woke me out of sleep and kept me suspended in a succession of nightmares and anxiety.

I was alarmed at what I thought was simply a reaction to stress and did what I could to alleviate it. I stopped having caffeine and began focusing on just about every healthful behaviour I could manage. Why wasn't my anxiety going away? If we were in God's will, why did we feel like we had destroyed our lives? Why were we so unhappy? Maybe we had made a mistake or maybe we weren't the right caliber of people for the jobs we had undertaken.

My fears and despair followed me into the daytime too. I voiced my concerns and often had extreme emotional reactions to what was going on around me. I got angry & yelled at those around me. I cried. I retreated into depression. I longed for the peace I had experienced in the two years before our whole life had changed.

The odd thing is that I cannot say we have suffered in any tangible way or had any tragedy strike us. Many individuals are without jobs or are living out truly negative situations. Most people look at Shawn & I as having the perfect life and would want to trade places. We would remind ourselves that we had many things to be grateful for and that life was indeed getting better, but nothing was penetrating this sense of impending doom and the increasing desire to run away.

What I realize now is that we had stepped into a spiritual battle that we were ill-prepared for. We had not disciplined our thoughts, words, attitudes, and actions to a place where we could recognize and fend off the evil influence that sought to destroy us. Like the characters in the Lord of the Rings Trilogy we were being poisoned by lies and we were losing hold of the truth.

I believe that there is a devil that wants to kill, steal and destroy all that is good. I believe he actively targets those that present the biggest threat to him. I believe that it is our job to recognize his attacks and to resist them. I had been calling out to God for help as I suffered these terrors during the night and faced difficult emotions in the day and I knew that if I hung on and didn't let go, help would come.

It did.

Lord of the Rings

This Christmas season we decided to watch the full Lord of the Ring trilogy as a family. The holiday season afforded us the long, late evenings needed to view each of the three movies that my husband & I had previously enjoyed several years apart. For our children this was a new, exciting adventure.

I read the Tolkien books as a young girl but found the imaginative creatures and fierce content to be beyond my interest level and initially the movies struck me the same way. I knew there was a depth of meaning to the storyline but until I watched them all in succession, I couldn't look past the wizardry and violence to experience the full impact of the message.

Without trying to explain the very intricate plot of this epic tale of the battle between good & evil, I want to say that I was overwhelmingly struck by the recurrence of one thing: Evil influence through thoughts and words poisoned any creature that listened and accepted lies instead of choosing to believe and cling to the truth. I saw this play out in several of the story lines over and over. Interestingly, in many of the scenarios there was physical evidence that seemingly confirmed growing suspicions as a deception took firmer hold in one's mind. This was so keen that the lies seemed more believable than the truth.

In the scene just before the final battle in "The Return of the King", Aragorn takes the head off a enemy negotiator who has just presented convincing evidence that their battle against evil has been lost forever and that they might as well surrender.

"I don't believe him!" Aragorn says.

The lie is rejected and in faith they cling to the truth that they will indeed triumph over evil. They have no way of knowing for absolute certain but they choose to believe anyways...even if it means fighting to their death.

The culmination of all deception being vanquished in one bold sword stroke and the simple words, "I don't believe him" spoke to me and my personal struggles.

I too have been influenced by evil and poisoned by thoughts, words and circumstances that deceive the mind. In that moment I realized that I had to fight my own battle and my weapon was the truth. When self-doubt, fear, and negative experiences tell me that evil is winning and I might as well give up, I need to reject the lies and in faith cling to what I know is true.

I decided that night that I was going to start fighting back. I had no idea what that was going to look like but within days a plan of action began to form.