Living the Love

I was excited as I sat down to finalize my memorization of I Corinthians 13. This was the day I was intending to recite the whole passage to Shawn and that meant I could proceed with purchasing the "I Love You" Pandora charm I had asked the shop to hold for me.
I was getting ready to go out and felt a punch of disappointment when I realized that my son was eating the last piece of salmon for breakfast. A few nights before, I had specifically asked my son to not eat any of the leftover salmon after his initial two pieces. This was because I was limited in my food choices during the food cleanse I was currently on and I would need the fish for my lunches. I knew he favored salmon and would eat it all up if I didn't ask him not to. I had given my request with a specific warning that he couldn't tell me he didn't know better because I was telling him very clearly. I did this with my husband looking on at the time.
"Trysten, why are you eating the salmon I asked you not to eat?"
"I asked Daddy and he said I could"
Both of them had apparently forgot my carefully delivered instructions and it was suggested to me that I write special requests like that on the fridge.
I wasn't impressed. I felt a burst of negative emotion that was deeper than the situation warranted, but I was struggling to manage it. Hadn't I just recited I Corinthians 13? Was I going to go ballistic on my family over a piece of salmon?
My family dispersed and as I went frantically around the kitchen trying to assemble a healthy breakfast and lunch I burst into tears.
What was wrong with me? I tried to dissect the emotions.

• I was frustrated because my son has developmental delays and he forgets things a lot. He's also got the very inherent human desire to get his own way. I feel torn between expecting the best from him despite his limitations and trying to understand that he has a genuine issue and needs grace from me.
• I was frustrated because as a mother, I am in tune with my families needs & desires but no-one seemed to be in tune with mine.
• I was frustrated because Trysten had asked me what we were having for breakfast and in my hurry I had told him, "Whatever you can find."
• I was frustrated because when I say things to and in proximity to my husband, he doesn't seem to hear or remember. He is busy and has a lot on his mind.
• I was frustrated because I was trying to make good food choices without anyone's help or support and it felt like there were too many obstacles.
• I was frustrated because I had made a mistake at work that wasted precious work time and now I had to go in on my Saturday to catch up on the work I didn't do.

I realized very quickly that the salmon had only been a trigger for a melting pot of frustration and I was glad I had guarded the reaction towards my family over it. Shawn apologized to me for forgetting and I explained what was going on in me. Working through this issue, we had both deliberately decided not to allow the wedge of dissension to pit us against each other. I would write down any future requests because we really do have so many things coming at us all the time and we all forget things that are important to each other.

I also realized that I need to be grateful.

• Yes, my son has delays but he is sweet, physically healthy, and he is improving all the time.
• My son dislikes most healthy foods but at least he really likes salmon!
• Yes, my family isn't as in tune with my needs but they still love me. I wasn't in tune with my mom's needs either.
• Yes, we're busy and sometimes our communication lines get crossed, but we love each other and if we are patient, we will find a better way.
• Men (in general) are naturally tuned out and need more help remembering what we say. At least my husband is willing to give me a method that works for him.
• At least I have the opportunity and means to buy healthy foods. With more practise, having them prepared & accessible will happen too.
• At least I caught my mistake before it caused disaster, it was fixed and I had a job to go to.

Love doesn't ensure perfect circumstances but it does help us get through difficult ones.