It's Not About Me

I recently found myself sobbing in my husbands arms completely saturating the shoulder of his work shirt...not because anything bad had happened, but because some dear friends from my past reminded me of who I used to be.

An innocent status I had put on Facebook brought some generous recollections of my former fitness instructing career, how it was my calling and how I had impacted at least three women's lives by inspiring them to become fitness instructors too.

These positive words caught me by surprise and I thought my heart would literally break as my husband had read them aloud to me from the other room.

I'll admit, I loved fitness instructing. I enjoyed the music, the movement, the energy in the class, helping people begin and continue in fitness...it was a truly wonderful season of my life.

I also liked having a fit physique, having women surround me and tell me what a wonderful instructor I was, and hearing how I had motivated & inspired people to change their lives. The affirmation I received was like an intoxicating drug--I couldn't get enough of it.

I once had a woman come up to me after class and tell me that she had seen many instructors before and I had what it took to be one of the best. Another person shared with me that she overheard the girls in the locker room saying that they travelled across town just to take my classes opposed to taking ones closer to their homes.

Who wouldn't crave that kind of attention? Who wouldn't want to pursue a career they enjoyed and were considered to be gifted at?

I left my instructing career for practical reasons. Our financial situation demanded that I find full time employment and this was the one thing that fitness instructing was never able to give me.

It wasn't an instantaneous choice to become an administrator for a ministerial organization. It happened in the couple years following leaving my former career behind. I can say, however, that almost instantly I knew that I had found my new calling. I have a gift in taking big messes and organizing them. The office I inherited had been through a lot of transition and it needed someone to care enough to sort it all out.

My new calling has it's challenges but I honestly get up every day content, if not outright happy, to go to work. I also work in a very affirming environment and get plenty of recognition for what I do in addition to the financial compensation.

So why the tears? I wasn't really sure. My dear husband was ready to find a better-paying job that would allow me to leave my full time employment and return to my previous passion of fitness instructing. For a moment I was tempted to take him up on his offer.

I realized that morning that there was no going back and I knew if I tried, it wouldn't be the same. My life has become something bigger than it once was and I knew I couldn't walk away from what I had started. I now have the opportunity to serve God, my father, the directors and 500+ members of our ministerial organization. Who would love them and do all the unseen but important things I do if I left?

This was when it hit me, it's not about me any more. No-one may ever give me personal credit for changing their life because I kept my files in order and collected & processed the membership renewals on time. I wasn't going to have women surrounding me telling me how wonderful my organization skills are and begging for me to show them how I did it.

I dried my eyes, gave thanks for the opportunities & blessings I enjoyed in the past, and then turned to embrace my future knowing that it's about bringing glory to God and serving others now. That is love too.